Tavy Returns

It has been two weeks since my Poetry Performance at Scribes In Stilettos and I must say, I am still rather high off these positive vibes.

For four years, I hadn’t touched a single stage. Performing original pieces of my poetry had been something I’d done with ease, since I was a teenager.  So when sever anxiety crept in, I didn’t understand how something I loved so much, could all of a sudden become something I feared; therefore, I stopped.

Nervous doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt that night… so many obstacles threatened my mere attendance. Looking cool as a cucumber on outside, but on the inside, I was a mess. The inner turmoil was almost unbearable; I didn’t want to do this anymore. My day was hard, my week was harder – An emotional breakdown was coming and I really just wanted to go the hell home and cry. But shit, my transmission blew earlier that week and public transportation was a b-----, so no, no quick escape for me.

And then I heard my introduction… GO TIME!

I had practiced and rehearsed 50x over, and now I worried about forgetting my lines. Oh shit, what if I forget my lines… Alas, I poured my soul out on that stage, and left it there for the audience to sop up. Didn’t care if they used a biscuit or a bowl – they got the message. They experienced Tavy - and in that moment, I truly lived!

Standing at the podium, I felt good in my body… seriously, for the first time in my life, I actually felt SEXY. I felt very grown-up. My shoe game came to WIN. I looked stunning. My dress fit oh so right. And my hair & make-up couldn’t have been more on point than if it were a finger in a room full of guilty hoes. I mean, I really felt good y'all!

Walking off stage, I felt myself basking in my own glow, and wondered if Billie felt me channel her with my spirit. I wondered if I gave a performance worthy of being bred in the same city as Jill. I hoped that with this effort alone, I had succeeded in getting out of the boxes Lauryn said I could get out of... Most importantly, did I make myself proud?

YES. I. DID!